A Crappy New Home
by InsanityShips
Summary: Miles and Charlie move away and try to find a new home... that needs some work. (Contains Incest)


It wasn't much.

Actually, it wasn't anything at all, from what she could see. A run down shack, barely two rooms, with a little porch.

"...this is it?" she questioned, looking around to Miles.

"This is it," he confirmed, moving towards the house - _shack_ \- and stepping onto the porch.

His foot went through the boards with a resounding _crack_ and Charlie resisted the urge to facepalm. "Miles, what the hell are we gonna do with this?"

"...fix it up," he said as though it was obvious, despite the fact he was shaking wood splinters off his shoes. "...or die in a roof collapse. One of the two."

"MILES!" It sounded like a cross between a bark and a wail. "I didn't come all this way to die in a cave-in!"

He rolled his eyes. "Stop being over-dramatic. It's got a good location."

"Good lo..." She mouthed at him. "We're in the middle of the woods in the middle of _nowhere_."

He grinned at her and disappeared into the house, leaving her to realize that was exactly the point.

"_Miles_!" It was a full-on wail this time as she tap-danced across the porch to creep inside. "This is-" _Pause_. "-actually pretty cute." She blinked rapidly as though she might be imagining it.

It was small, and as many boards were rotted inside as outside. There were actually a few holes in the ceiling, and something that resembled a rat went skittering under a floorboard, but all that aside, Miles had a point.

The small kitchenette had a window - almost as big as the wall - that looked out across a field and down to a river behind the house. There was a small bedroom that had an equally gorgeous view, albeit through two smaller windows, and there were two small stone fireplaces, one in each room.

:"See? And you were skeptical," Miles snorted at her.

She narrowed her eyes and poked a nearby chair, watching as the wood fell to bits and clattered to the floor. "I am... _still_ skeptical," she growled.

Miles eyed her, then eyed the bits of chair on the floor. "...well don't poke anything else."

"MILES!"

He raised his hands placatingly. "We'll fix up what we can, and the rest we can bring in from town." He reached out, looping an arm around her waist and hauling her closer while she dug her heels into the floor - and prayed she wouldn't fall through it.

"Miles," she groaned, realizing this was all one big adventure in _how many ways can I say your name in a manner that implies the levels of aggravation I'm feeling?_

He pointed out the kitchen window. "Garden out there, between here and the water. Maybe a new porch." He pointed off towards the treeline. "Barn over there, keep our own horses."

She cut her eyes up towards him and squinted. "And a cow."

"Charlie," he groaned, and suddenly the roles were reversed. "Cows are _noisy_ and they stink."

She smacked his arm. "And they're useful! I want a cow."

He pinched the bridge of his nose with his free hand. "Fine."

They stood there in silence a moment. "And chickens."

"_Charlie_."

"What! If we're gonna have a barn, we might as well have fresh eggs!" she argued, putting her hands on her hips, elbowing him in the process.

"How about we focus on fixing the house first," he tried to bargain. "We can worry about the farm animals later."

"If the roof doesn't fall on us first!" she chirped, bouncing out of his hold and for the door.

"It's _not_ going to- where are you going!" Miles huffed, trailing after her this time in yet another role reversal.

Charlie looked over her shoulder at him. "I'm going in to town to get supplies," she hummed, climbing onto her horse in one fluid motion. "Curtains and stuff."

He stared at her in horror. "Curtains. Of all the things we could fix up, you want _curtains_."

She grinned impishly. "Unless you want any passerby to see what I'm going to be doing to you tonight."

He paused, lips twitching into a smirk. "Let's get curtains."

_CRACK_. The bed fell to pieces and hit the floor, sending two naked bodies sprawling in opposite directions. "_MILES_."

"Damnit."


End file.
